In my blog My journey with cancer, a story of strength, vulnerability and support, I wrote about my experience of the medical journey: the process of diagnosis and treatment, and how doctors and loved ones responded. But alongside that visible path, something else was unfolding. Something quieter and deeper. During the periods of stillness brought about by the cancer treatments, a void emerged between hope, fear and surrender that could not be explained. What remains when everything falls away? What touches the soul when the body no longer feels certain? This poem emerged from that inner realm.
After the shock, the disbelief, the need to go on,
came my fighting spirit — but also my vulnerability.
And not just that — there was a strong echo
of all those other times
when my life was turned upside down,
and I had to find ways
to make it manageable again,
so I could regain a sense of control.
Spirituality shows itself in intensity,
and with it comes the life question that guides me:
What is my purpose here on Earth?
What is my unique value?
At the same time, there is the other side —
the one that wants to organise, to take charge,
thinking: keep everything in hand.
In short, it comes down to this:
everything is allowed to be, and I move with it.
Because what in life is ever truly certain?
Isn’t everything up in the air?
But no —
not everything is meaningless.
What matters is not the journey itself,
but the trace you leave behind.
And that is how it is for me.
We are all travellers between the seen and unseen worlds: the world of the body and the world of the breath; the world of time and the world of timelessness. It is not what we carry that remains, but what we give away through our presence.
Johanna, 10 June 2025
